So a lot of you already read about what happened to me mid December and have been asking about the outcome and how I’m doing, so I thought I’d revisit the memory and give you an update. For those of you who don’t know what happened please refer to my last post: Surviving a Hate Crime. 

I’m actually for once at a loss of where to begin, so I think I’ll just write about it in chronological format. So, I was involved in that whole messy situation where I was bashed for being gay. I was very lucky to receive all the support I did from family and friends who were concerned about not only my physical wounds, but also the lasting emotional wounds, and what I was going to do about what happened.

Well like I said before, the Lethbridge Police Service was fantastic in their response. I met them for coffee before the holidays started and together we decided to launch an investigation into what happened that night and if anything became of it they would let me know and I could move forward with pressing charges if I wanted. They also supplied me with information to contact their Victim Services/Support department if I needed to talk with someone and gave me information on a program they’ve introduced from Toronto into this area called RHVP (Report Homophobic Violence, Period). You can check out their website and/or view the brochure they left with me during our first meeting.

I was very lucky of the timing of the incident as well. When I was at home I felt very isolated and didn’t want to leave my condo building unless I had too. I had a few nightmares that I can’t remember at all outside of waking up angry and sweating, but nothing I was told was too severe of a reaction. I still can’t remember what happened entirely due to the concussion I suffered. I say I was lucky at the time for reasons: my friends made sure I was checked in on, and I was heading out within a few days for the holidays to see my family and friends back at home. I was able to remove myself from what felt like a terrible situation to heal in a place I feel safe in. I would need to contact Lethbridge Police Services when I got back from my holidays to make a decision.

So off to Ontario (Collingwood and Toronto more specifically) for my Christmas break. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. I hadn’t been home almost in two years and I really needed the extra support from my family. I saw everyone this trip, and caught up with old friends and made a bunch of new ones. I guess going through something like this really allows me to recognize my own strength as I seemed to be operating at full capacity after a few days into my visit. I spent New Year’s in Toronto with friends and enjoyed as I mentioned, making new ones. The only reminder of my accident that I really had during my trip was when people asked me about the gashes on my head, or when I looked in the mirror and saw the gash above my eyebrow. Luckily the scabs that had formed had been slowly flaking off in the shower. As time passed my injuries were healing, and with them, went most of the emotional trauma.

I arrived back in Lethbridge a month after I left. I was originally scheduled to arrive back two weeks after departing; I can only surmise that the reason for this was because I didn’t want to have to deal with the aftermath and relive the entire situation again… so I delayed having to do it. At this point my physical injuries have healed and the only scarring I have is barely noticeable (Thank You). One of my biggest fears was that I would have to look in the mirror the rest of my life and be reminded of what happened to me every day when I woke up in the morning and right before I went to bed.

So I meet with Lethbridge Police Services when I got home. Unfortunately their exhaustive search turned up nothing concrete. The security cameras at the club were unoperational that night due to a mechanical failure that was never reported to management to be repaired. Nothing was recorded, not even evidence that I or my attacker had been there. The officers informed me every avenue they tried to seek information from as well, and I have to say, they really did their job well. I was and still am very pleased of their service. They informed me of their only other option as well: If I made the investigation official , gave a statement and signed a release for my medical records from the hospital they could go before a judge to have him/her rule on having my attacker’s medical records from that night released therefore identifying him to press charges.

The officers also told me it would depend on the judge and it was 50/50 in that ruling. I was also informed it could take up to six months to a year to get a ruling and at that point “if” it was ruled in favor that I would have to press charges and pursue the system for another additional unknown allotment of time. So now I had a choice. I could: 

1. Pursue after this guy for a few years and hope he either pleads guilty or it turns into a trial which could take many more years forcing me to relive what happened to me that night each and every time just to make sure some person I don’t know learns a lesson. I also thought about what if he just made a mistake that night and he’s not normally like that? I could be destroying someone who slipped up just once and would have to pay for it the rest of his life.
2. I could walk away from it and continue healing instead of ripping my scars open every time I had to deal with the situation.

My decision was to walk away and do what was best for me and that was to move on and up. I had already raised awareness about what happened to me through media outlets, the police, my blog, family, friends and Facebook; and I already got my proverbial revenge on this guy because I beat the shit out of him. So I closed the file with the Diversity Officers and have moved on as much as I can.

I’ve been home for a month now following my trip home. I feel normal again, my wounds have been licked and I’m back to myself. I no longer feel angry.

I am mindful now when I’m out by myself, watch people around me and am generally more cautious so I don’t think that I’ll ever really be completely over it. I don’t think you ever fully 100% recover from something like this… but I’m pretty damn fucking close.

I had a couple tattoos done the holiday season of 2010; as seen above. A Japanese symbol on my chest over my heart with its English meaning counterpart tattooed to my left side in an archaic font. The symbol means “Warrior” and I got the idea for the tattoos from a friend of mine that I’ve known for 17 years. He bought me one of those tablet runic symbol necklaces that displayed the same runic symbol representing “Warrior”. He said it was the most suited word for me as that is how I live my life and he told me I have the courage and heart of a warrior. I think today it has come full circle in my battle to maintain who I am in the aftermath of my accident. I never knew a friend could be so wise so many years ago and know things about me that I wasn’t even aware of; he already knew I’d pull through and identified I had the strength.

Thank you to my family, friends, strangers and everyone who helped me get back to where I feel safe and happy again.

Matthew Young aka Gossip Guy, You know you love me –xoxo

I am not a violent-by-nature kind of person. Everyone who knows me, or of me, speaks highly of my friendly disposition and attitude. I would never hurt anyone or anything intentionally; but this past Saturday night someone set out to do that to me – just because I’m gay.

You always hear of hate crimes happening to other people that are normally so far away you think “There’s no way this could happen to me”. I was one of those people myself. I never had any sort of negative attitudes or negative behavior tossed at me before for being gay. To me, being gay isn’t my lifestyle – it just means I’m a guy who happens to like other guys. Being gay is also not a choice – but it is part of my identity as that is who I am… and some people still have issues with that.

I always walked around feeling somewhat secure and safe wherever I lived. And I’ve lived in a lot of places before. Never having one problem, I’ve always felt naturally confidant and friendly and people generally seem to like my personality; sometimes I’m over the top as well… but never directly rude or hurtful. That feeling of confidence and safety was robbed from me this past Saturday evening, along with a good deal of my pride.

The night started off pretty normally. I was meeting up with my friends at a local club here in Lethbridge. Everyone had a good time and lots of laughs were had. Some of us dispensed and left the original location and a few of us headed down the street to another club as more of our friends were there. Once inside I got separated from the group but decided to head outside for a smoke where I engaged a few people in conversation.

Now, I’ve never been one to hide who I am from anyone; but I definitely don’t go around advertising that I’m gay – especially in an environment where there is potential for so many different opinions; with alcohol fueling their belief systems. I was asked directly if I was gay – so, I responded honestly and confirmed for him what he already knew. That was that – he threw his first punch and before I knew it I was in the middle of a situation I had been afraid of being in my entire life. Someone has an issue with who I am and planned to do something about it.

I should make mention as well that I have always been of the belief system that if someone attacks me – I will defend myself as best I can. Luckily, I workout regularly at the gym and am in pretty good shape. I also was not as drunk as this guy was who had suddenly targeted me as someone he wanted to put down for the count.

I don’t remember a whole lot in the next sequence of events. However, I can tell you that that the violence escalated between us and I eventually put him down. For whatever reason after my attacker was down I fell down as well – most likely from the concussion and blows I had sustained to my head and body. We both were down and out — to the best of my memory.

The next thing I know I’m waking up in the local hospital; originally, with no memory of what happened. As the nurses check on me and my memory starts coming back I can feel where I was punched and struck. For some reason half my vision is red and there’s blood on my hospital bed; it suddenly hits me that I was in a fight. “You definitely won” someone told me– “He looks twice as bad as you do”. The nurse wipes the blood from my face and my vision returns to normal. I assume I had blood in my eye. The nurse finishes up and tells me that if I want to leave that night I would have to call a friend to come get me due to the head wounds. I do that and arrive home at around 6am.

This kind of situation has to stop rearing its ugly head. It’s 2011, almost 2012 and as a race of people – we need to stop hurting each other. What makes it ok in someone’s head to just attack them like that?

Since Sunday morning I realized how many people support me. I have been receiving calls, messages, facebook messages, visits, and online articles of support from my family and friends. I felt quite isolated and lonely at first; scared  – being raped of your sense of security will do that to a guy. However, the flood of support and love from those I care about is helping to mend the emotional wound created by the attack. Will this change me? I don’t know. I hope not, but in some twisted way I am glad it happened to me.

Because it happened to me it didn’t happen to someone else who wouldn’t be able to defend himself or herself and the outcome could have been much worse. Some words of support from friends have also said that the gash above my left eyebrow makes me look like a sexy scrapper or fighter; did I mention how much I love my friends? They’re getting me through this.

Matthew Young aka Gossip Guy, you know you love me –xoxo

Check out another article written by my friend Linden on this subject called Stop This. Now.

A good sex life takes time and effort to maintain. It won’t always be easy — our busy lives are taxing and often leave us tired and devoid of the imagination and motivation required to keep up the pace. Having good sex doesn’t necessarily mean spending hours and hours of frolicking; it can be as simple as doing something a little different just for a change.

Humans are cyclic creatures, and our sex drives will vary depending on our hormones and what’s going on in our lives. Sometimes it takes a bit longer to get hot, and the same-old song and dance may not be enough. This applies to you too.

Therefore, it’s important to add a few more stimulating aspects to your sex life to keep things interesting. Here are a few suggestions.

No.10 Blindfold Your Partner

Sexual pleasure has many dimensions, but the most important sexual organ we have is our brain. When one sense is hindered, our other senses — via the brain — clamor to compensate. For example, a deaf person has increased sensory awareness — sight, smell, touch, and vibrations.

You can tap into this innate ability of ours and use it to your advantage. Blindfolding your partner increases their sensory awareness. They don’t know where you are or what you are going to do next. This creates anticipation for better sex — the tease. Tease them mercilessly with sensory objects, such as a feather or your tongue. Start off softly, as this excites their nerve endings and makes them far more sensitive. Be careful not to over-stimulate the nerve endings, however, because after a while the neurons stop firing with such intensity and the sensation becomes null and void.

No.9 Give Them Instructions

After a while you may think you know how to please your partner in every way, but this is very rarely true. There is always something you haven’t tried, and there is bound to be something one of you always does that could be done differently.

To combat this for better sex, have a lesson session in which you don’t think you know it all, and are at each others’ mercy as teacher. Talk about things you haven’t tried, but would like to, then choose one suggestion from each partner, and get down and dirty. We often get caught thinking we know what our partners like, and after a while it becomes “the way it’s done.” Lose this sex myth and put yourself in the student’s chair for a while to achieve better sex.

No.8 Massage

Sensual touch is one of the most highly relaxing and sexy things you can do for your partner. Our bodies are almost without exception tense in some area, if not many areas. This hinders our energy flow — including sexual energy flow. Imagine a car that has a clogged fuel filter: The fuel (our energy) can’t get to where it needs to go quickly and smoothly, and the car performs inefficiently.

A relaxing, sensual massage can unlock the body to some very intense orgasms and much better sex in the end. The ability to relax your partner in this way should be high on your list of skills to master. The same goes for them: The difference between a deeply relaxing massage and a sensual massage is in the manner of touch — you don’t want to relax them too deeply because they will probably fall straight to sleep.

The key to better sex in this case is to keep their senses alert, but their body relaxed. This means a firm touch, coupled with some sensory feather-light caresses. Once you’ve relaxed their major muscles — shoulders and back — work your way down to the buttocks. Strokes can then start to wander near to, but not on, the inner thighs, butt crease and their *ahem* unmentionables. Don’t forget their hands and feet — there are thousands of nerve endings in our hands and feet that are very sensitive to touch. If you have no idea what a good massage feels like or how to perform one, spend some time in “lesson time” with your partner and learn what you both like, or just run your hands all over their body — all over. Don’t skip to the hot spots or you’ll ruin the effect.

No.7 Have Them Dress Up

Pretending to be something you’re not comes easily to some people. However, it has its benefits when done for fun. Stepping out of the role of being “yourself” can be a fun way to give each other permission to behave differently for better sex. Playing the role of someone else during sexual play is a very enjoyable way to give your partner some different sensations. Role playing is a great way to have better sex and to have fun with your partner in a lighthearted but sexy way.

No.6 Tell Them Your Fantasies

Talking about your sexual fantasies with your partner is a very healthy form of sex play. It increases communication with your partner and helps you get to know each other better. Yes, you may be surprised by what comes out of their mouth, but this works both ways. Keep it light at first and don’t throw them in the deep end with fantasies about people you both know or reveal fetishes you aren’t sure about. Sit back with a glass of wine and keep your clothes on — for now. Fantasy play can also be incorporated into a game for better sex. Use your imagination and keep it sexy. Take it in turns and see where it leads you.

No.5 Play a Game

Get a pack of cards and play strip poker for better sex. It may seem like something you would have done when you were in high school (given the opportunity), but adult strip poker is a good way to get naked. Once you are both naked (or nearly naked), you can start on the really fun part: A loss means the other person gets to choose what action is performed on them by the loser. Time limits like one minute on said action means that it is a prolonged game of seduction, which by the end will have you both clamoring to be both the winner and the loser. There are many other games you can play “strip” to, as long as there is regular winner and loser rewards and punishments. The great part about these games is that you can both ask the other person to do something in a certain way that you may not necessarily have ever done before. It can get rather filthy, and definitely lead to better sex in the end.

No.4 Dirty Talk

Talking dirty has turned people on for decades and will continue to do so because it has something other sex play doesn’t: words. Because our brains are our largest sexual apparatus, we respond to the spoken word automatically — especially when someone says our name. The spoken word evokes emotions, sensations and blood flow to various regions, depending on the topic.

This works very much in your favor when it comes to talking dirty to your lover because humans are especially susceptible to what goes in their ears (and I don’t mean cotton buds or ear candles). Talking dirty is, however, an art form and when done badly can result in fits of giggles (which, lets face it, ain’t so bad but isn’t quite the goal here). Don’t let this deter you.

No.3 Try a New Position

You already know how to make your partner orgasm in two ways (probably). You repeat these regularly because they work — there’s no harm in that. However, if you never try any new positions, how will you ever know? New positions need a reasonably high level of arousal in your lover, so choose your time to strike a new pose when they are quite obviously feeling very randy.  

There is no limit to the number of ways to have sex, so you can use your imagination and come up with as many weird and wonderful inventions as you desire. Simply changing locations can dramatically change the position, so consider this too (for example, on top of the washing machine, on a bench, beanbag, or table). 

No.2 Use a Cock Ring

Ok girls, opt out of reading this one, it won’t apply to you obviously; unless there’s something seriously wrong with you! Cock rings slow the drain of blood out of your erection, and keep you harder for longer. A very hard penis stimulates a person’s insides slightly differently — and much better — than one that is getting soft around the edges. Cock rings are inexpensive and usually nice to look at, and make an interesting male sex toy to add to your collection. Cock rings ensure that you can maintain the pace without faltering for better sex. This is very pleasing to your man friend. 

No.1 Try a New Place

Sex in a new locale is definitely up there in exciting things to do for better sex. You can take a drive somewhere secluded where you can get a bit risqué. Try a public place (not too public), or simply move to a different room or area in your home — or even someone else’s home. Whatever tickles your fancy. There are a million and one different places to have sex other than your home and in your bed — use them.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

The Christmas season, although full of joy and good will, also has its horrifically ugly side. We all remember those dreadful days from last year of last minute shopping and battling your neighbor in the middle of Walmart at 9:02pm for the last <insert toy of the year here> before you stopped to realize; you’ve put on 13lbs in the past few weeks, ripped out most of your hair and noticed stress lines forming on your forehead *GASP*.

Well, in the spirit of the season I’ve decided to bring you some stress busting tips to hopefully prevent you from spinning yourself into a ball of stress this holiday season. Cuz let’s face it; you’re supposed to be enjoying this time of the year as well.

Stressor: Being a perfectionist
Stress Buster: Lower your standards

Set realistic goals for yourself. Prioritize your TO DO list. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Your guest aren’t coming to check for dust bunnies under your bed! And if they are, don’t invite them back next year! Don’t measure your efforts against some imaginary idea of perfection. Relax and enjoy yourself.

Stressor: Following out-dated traditions
Stress Buster: If it’s no longer appropriate, don’t do it

There’s an old Hungarian story about a young bride who buys a brisket of beef and cuts off a small piece from the end. When her husband asks why she is doing that she says: “my mother always does it that way.” They ask the mother why and she says: “my mother always does it that way.” They ask the grandmother who tells them that she cut off the end because her pot was too small. Ask yourself why you are doing something. If it has outlived its reason or usefulness, drop it.

Stressor: Taking on too much
Stress Buster: Do less

If your budget allows, hire help. Don’t do everything from scratch. It’s OK to use time-saving devices. Ask other people for help. Maybe someone else can bring some dishes, do some shopping, set the table or do the clean-up.

Stressor: Gift buying
Stress Buster: Instead of gifts that might be returned or never used, you might:

• Donate money to the person’s favourite charity
• Give a gift certificate to their favourite store
• Give a “gift certificate” that’s redeemable for baby-sitting, house-sitting, pet-sitting, Etc
• If the person is a care-giver, offer to relieve them for a morning or an afternoon
• Be creative, find out what would be the most meaningful gift for the person
• Offer to address their Christmas mailing list
• Buy a copy of Susan’s book, “AWAKENING YOUR LIFE SKILLS – A light-hearted, pragmatic and humorous approach to a less stressful life.”

Stressor: Unreasonable expectations of family members
Stress Buster: Be realistic in your expectations

There’s no reason to believe that family members who don’t get along the rest of the year become bosom buddies on December 25th. Consider having two meals and invite the folks who get along with each other to one of them. On the other hand, remind your family that Christmas is not the time to drop emotional bombs. This is not the time to announce that she is getting a divorce, that he lost his job or for your cousin and his partner to come out of the closet together announcing their wedding (or yours).

Stressor: Overeating
Stress Busters: Have a plan

• Decide before-hand how much you will eat and stick to your decision
• Have a small taste of everything so you don’t feel deprived after all, it’s Christmas!
• Have a small slice of dessert
• Fill up on non-fattening foods – water, salads, vegetables
• Go easy on the sauces
• Substitute less fattening dressings
• Keep busy with non-eating activities: set the table, serve the food, clear the table, do the dishes

And here some more suggestions for a less stressful holiday time:

• Take time for yourself
• Pamper yourself
• Meditate
• Get a massage
• Go for a walk
• Read a trashy novel
• Rent a funny movie

This is supposed to be a fun time of year, not only for your guests and friends, but also for you. Make sure to enjoy your time with loved ones as well.

What do you do over the Christmas season to manage your stress? Write in to Gossip Guy at gossipguy@bell.net to share your tips and tricks. You can also write your response in the comment box below.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

You read blog articles with titles like “You’ve Had Enough to Drink When…”

Let’s take a classic look at this from a straight guy’s point-of-view… This is a little like him hanging around a gay bar to study the guys, just to double-check that he’s not one of them before he goes ahead and proposes to Chloe. People who treat alcoholism consider such self-questioning behavior to be a big, fat warning sign; but the guys at the gay bar certainly don’t mind the visit.

You’re really sorry about that.

If your morning routine involves coffee, a quick scan of the headlines, and then a careful review of the previous night’s activities and logs on your phone so you can do a little damage control and text out any necessary apologies, you’re either an alcoholic or just an asshole.

You have only one drink a night, but you think about it all day.

It’s possible to be an alcoholic yet not drink all that much. Alcoholism is a soul Electrolux; it inhales everything until all that remains is the booze. Even if you’re not drinking it. When your life and thoughts revolve around getting to that drink each night, that’s a problem.

Bad shit is always happening to you, and it’s never your fault.

When your credit cards are maxed out and you’re living paycheck to paycheck and you can’t ever get ahead, it’s the crappy economy, right? And when all of your relationships tank, it’s because there are so many screwed-up people out there, huh? The more tangled your life is, the more likely I would be to find 20 empty gin bottles under your sink.

You drink alone.

I was astonished when I first became aware that normal, occasional drinkers are mortified by the idea of drinking alone at home. I mean a beer or cocktail with dinner or before bed is normal, right? In general, non–problem drinkers view alcohol as a minor component of a larger social activity. For them, a glass of champagne at a wedding is a celebration. For the alcoholic, it’s free booze that could be improved only by the instant subtraction of every guest in the room.

You’ve blacked out.

Waking up in bed beside somebody you don’t recognize. Having no idea how you got home last night. Listening to your friend tell you what you said and not being able to recall any of it. These are all blackouts, and a blackout is itself an alcoholic activity. That’s right: Non-alcoholics do not have blackouts.

It’s not like the aforementioned are the only warning signs you’ve had too much to drink. Some people will have experienced all seven signs and then some (“He didn’t mention bed-wetting or sexting your mom, so those must be fine”). Others might find only a few signs fit them yet still continue the behavior. If one or more of the signs above apply to you, you might want to re-evaluate your drinking behaviors. The sooner you re-evaluate the better the odds are that you won’t alienate anyone in your life as “that asshole”.

Cheers!

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

The past decade has solidified Halloween’s position as the one holiday that squeezes even the most bashful of people into costumes fit for your local strip club. We love it, right? Barely dressed men and women surrounding us at every party, eye candy as far as we can see — yes, we love it. That was a dumb question. In fact, the man responsible for making this socially acceptable should receive a Nobel Peace Prize. His bloodline should be traced and his kin treated like kings.
 
Or should they?

Yes, some people wear very eye-popping outfits on Halloween. However, our vision is clouded by sequins, ass and Velcro tails. The real scene is not actually seen. Some people strive for that acceptable slutty/hot costume and miss the big picture; costumes are meant to mimic someone or something else. Those are the ones you want to avoid.

The intricate, creative costumes are easy to spot. They feature complimentary makeup, jewelry and other accessories you can’t get from a bag or box. The slutty, generic costumes are also easy to find. They feature crappy material that would catch fire if a cigarette was lit within two feet, broken buttons and zippers, and since it was most likely purchased at the local costume store an hour before, you’ll likely see more than one person with it on. It’s cheap and focuses on the slut factor more than the creative factor. Those are the people and costumes you want to avoid; and here’s why.

They aren’t really a slut

As mentioned, it is nearly mandatory for gays and lesbians to dress skimpy on Halloween. Even the hermit with powder-white skin caused by lack of sunlight is showing some blinding leg. Chances are the “slut” you’ve been eyeing across the party is exactly the opposite of what you originally thought. They’re dressed up because everyone else is, and they’re itching to cover up whatever it is that creepy person (you) is staring at from across the room.

Halloween is both pleasure and torture for us. Everyone puts them self out there, but they’re not really out there to put out. Even if they are, they all look the same and it’s impossible to tell which ones actually follow up on the promises their costumes make. That’s where Gossip Guy comes in, to clear up the confusion.

They have no creativity

It never fails; we see a nurse, devil, warrior and a cop costume at least three times at every Halloween party. It gets boring.

When someone buys one of these off-the-shelf Halloween costumes, they’re throwing in the towel. It’s the 12th round and they’re defenseless up against the ropes. They’re letting someone else do the thinking for them. Not cool.

A rule of thumb: You get what you see. A generic costume gets worn by a generic person. That’s true whether you’re looking for a girl or boyfriend type on Halloween (bad idea) or just the Halloween hookup.

They have no taste

Once again, revealing does not, in any way, equal sexy. Costumes are meant to imitate something that we are not. If we have to ponder for 10 minutes how assless chaps and glittery cleavage come together to form a female Zorro costume, the fun is gone. Halloween is supposed to be fun and relaxing, not a brain-twisting Rubik’s.

Most costumes are very cheap. Buttons fall off, zippers split and most are available in only three sizes. They’re only meant to be worn once. Any person who wants to wear the cheap costume from a bag really doesn’t have the sense of style to be one of your priorities for the night.

Instead, look for the people who put time into their costumes. Lock in on accessories like jewelry and Hollywood-style makeup. The people that have the extravagant costumes and took time to put themselves together are the ones who really love Halloween. Those people want to have the best time possible on October 31st, which could mean a lot of things.

They have no sexual imagination

This section could also be called, “They’re Delusional.” In their head, they think the Little Bo Peep or Sexy Jungle Tarzan costume is actually sexy. Are you kidding? Those costumes are only considered sexy when the model on the cover of the bag it came in wore it. If this costume is their idea of sexy, they have a lot of catching up to do. We’ve seen a lot of movies that are sold behind curtains at the local convenience store, and the ones that feature Bo Peep are starting to collect a lot of dust.

It’s every person’s dream to have someone with a sexual imagination even half as big as theirs. It would be nice to kick back and have the other person come up with something once in a while, ya know?

There’s no more surprise

Here’s a little hint to hook someone: Let their imagination run a marathon. It kills people just guessing what things could look, feel and taste like.

Here’s your proof: What is your No. 1 rule of dating? Don’t have sex with a person the first time you meet? Yes? (Well unless it’s all they have to offer, of course) Of course it is, because you know if you give it up right away, there’s nothing left to give. That leaves us uninterested and puts a stale stamp on the relationship.

The same applies to the Halloween costumes. The person wearing practically nothing really has nothing else to show. We’ve seen 98% of their body and their personality, even if they didn’t mean to show that. There’s no fun in hunting a dead deer, and definitely no surprise.

Halloween hoes

Picking up someone on Halloween is like finding Waldo in a world full of hacky whored-out Waldos. They all look the same, but it takes a lot of investigating to find out which is genuine. Take the high road and don’t run after the person who is pretty much naked (but do check them OUT). Chances are, that road has been traveled many times or it’s just a big canvas painting of a road and you’re yet to see the two guys or girls carrying it across the screen. Be wise, and you’ll have a great night after the party’s over.

Now, I’m going to go put my original and un-generic un-slutty costume on and party! Happy Halloween everyone!

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

With winter steadily approaching (get used to it), more people will retreat indoors and begin packing on the winter blahs, in weight form, until it is nice enough outside to try to get their beach bodies ready again for summer. Unfortunately, by the time you’re worried about swimsuit season; it’s already too late to sculpt your physique in time. However, there is a cure for both the winter blahs and the winter flab all in one place.

Research shows that training in cold weather boosts your endurance and keeps you happy through winter. Use these tips to win your own cold war and be well ahead of the war on your body for swimsuit season.

Burn Baby Burn

If you’re carrying a little more blubber than is strictly needed to survive the winter months, the good news is the falling temperatures will help you shed it. Calorie burn is higher in the cold, as the body has to expend more energy to stay warm. So leave the gym behind you and brave the great outdoors for a leaner physique this winter.

Cool Running

Rocky knew cold-weather training leads to increased toughness. Army researchers analyzed marathon results and found that male race winners were, on average, on 1.7% slower than the course record when the temperature was between 1-10C, with the times increasing as the temperature got warmer (and for those who don’t run, you want the lowest possible time to win). Their study put the ideal marathon-running temperature at a less-than tepid 5C.

This is also effective as running in cold weather trains your body to take on more oxygen and use it more efficiently. So when the weather warms up, you will be able to push past your personal bests; you can work harder in warm weather with less oxygen after.

Thaw The Winter Blues

As the nights creep in, levels of feel-good chemicals (melatonin, serotonin, dopamine) in your brain fall, leaving you staring at a winter of discontent (insert the winter blahs here). However, research shows that cardio tops up your serotonin, and is four times more effective at reducing symptoms of depression compared to standard antidepressants.

Put Stress On Ice

The tumbling mercury might not be an obvious indicator for training outdoors, but doing so might actually help shift stress. Exposure to cold water washes away work stress. In this circumstance, a cold bath or shower is recommended in the morning before work. I personally, cannot imagine a more horrific way to wake up and start my day; especially since I missed seeing my bits ‘n’ pieces down below for a short while after trying this out. I will admit, it did work. It really took my mind off of my work stress.

Snot Enough Sweating

Staying active during the winter is your best defense again colds and seasonal flu. Getting a sweat on can cut your risk of catching the flu by 20-30%. All evidence points to the fact that regular cold-weather training will boost your immune system as well.

So lace up, pack on the layers, hit the streets, and you can be sure that snot will be wreaking havoc in someone else’s sinuses this coming winter season.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

Certain characteristics are warning signs for a troubled relationship down the road.

• Traits like jealousy and flightiness don’t disappear over time.
• If they want you to change now, they will still want to later on.
• Contrary to the wisdom of pop songs, love is not enough to make a marriage work.

If you’re thinking of asking your boyfriend/girlfriend to become your partner, there are a few things to consider first. Deciding if you’re ready to make a commitment is only half the battle. Now you must figure out if the person in your life is the right one to devote yourself to. It’s a complex situation, but there are a few warning signs that your boyfriend/girlfriend is not marriage material. Here are some of the most obvious hints that they will make a bad partner.

They’re flighty

A person who has trouble committing to a job, a friendship or even a hairstyle might not be the best person to swear your undying loyalty to. If they have tried numerous short-lived career paths or are constantly making new friends and dropping the old ones, these may be indications that they are not the kind of person who’s in it for the long haul. Settling down simply may not be in the cards for someone so free-spirited and fickle.

Even if they stick around, consider the possibility that their ever-changing lifestyle could derail your own life plan as well. Committing means combining your lives in nearly every sense, so give some serious thought as to whether or not they will be a good influence on your future.

They’re jealous

If your boyfriend/girlfriend is jealous of every other person who comes near you, making a commitment to them won’t make your relationship more secure. Everyone gets jealous sometimes, but if you find yourself constantly having to reassure them that the other people in your life are not a threat to them, this could spell doom for a long-term commitment. A good partner is not possessive or irrational. As long as you’re not giving them any reason to be suspicious, they should be able to keep the green-eyed monster in check.

Their sex drive doesn’t match yours

Sex is an important part of any relationship, and the way you relate to each other physically has a big influence on whether you stay together after you make any commitments. One sign that they might make a bad partner is if their sex drive differs wildly from yours. Whether it’s much higher or much lower than your own, their libido will have a huge effect on your happiness as a committed couple. Sex-drive issues can be the result of medical or psychological problems, so problems might come and go, but either way, it’s best to work this out before you make them your partner.

They don’t want your friends around

A boyfriend/girlfriend who disapproves of you hanging out with your friends will become a partner who doesn’t want you to have your own life outside of your relationship with them. Even if they’re not that fond of your buddies, they shouldn’t stand in the way of you spending time with them on your own. Provided your friends aren’t convincing you to rob banks or some other objectionable behavior, your partner should trust you to make your own decisions about your friends. If they try to restrict that now, it’ll only get worse after you commit to them.

They try to change you

If your boyfriend/girlfriend is constantly nitpicking about your appearance, your behavior, your personality, your career path, your friends, and your habits, they are essentially telling you that you’re not good enough for them. Everyone can make improvements in their lives, and a good partner should help you become a better person, but if they are forever on your case about changing one thing or another, they’re going to make a bad partner.

You also have to decide whether or not the things they are asking you to change are reasonable or out of the question. Do you still like to rip it up with your friends on weekends or will you give that up at the request of your partner to spend Friday and Saturday nights with them? Can you give up your vision of a loft downtown for their desire for a house in the suburbs? What if you’ve always wanted to be a parent and they are dead-set against having children? Ask yourself how much you’re willing to give up to please them.

Not partner material

Contrary to the wisdom of pop songs, love is not enough to make a partnership work. Committing to someone means sharing your entire life with another person, so you want to make absolutely sure that they are someone you’ll be happy spending time with day in and day out and not add toxicity to your life. Keep an eye out for these warning signs that they will make a bad partner and avoid committing to the wrong person.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

What You Need To Know

• You’ll never get them to completely change their style.
• Your partner will only dress sexier if they are comfortable in what they’re wearing.
• Make sure to compliment them once they try something new.

“Let your partner know he/she is the hottest thing since the sun and that you love seeing them look sexy.”

He/she was hot to trot when you met them: tight jeans and body-hugging tank. Now a few years have passed, and *gasp* they’re wearing sweats and baggy T-shirts. Or perhaps they were always clad the way they are now, and you just wish they would try something different. What’re you to do? You still love him/her, just not their look. So how do you coax them to change their wardrobe without hurting their feelings or seeming like your overbearing?

Think You Can Change Them?

First and foremost, you cannot change who they are. Your partner is the same person you fell in love with, and unexpectedly asking them to change isn’t fair. If they’re a jock at heart, they are not going to suddenly don suits or dressed, and you shouldn’t expect them to do so. On the flip side, many people want a partner who dresses sexy to suddenly wear more conservative attire because they’re in a relationship. Not going to happen (unless you’re the abusive, controlling type, and that’s a different situation altogether). You cannot fundamentally change a person. Period.

But if you believe your partner is open to change, give them some encouragement. There are a myriad of reasons for how people choose to dress: to express themselves, to hide something, because they’re insecure, because they’re very secure, etc. If your partner is afraid of wearing body-conscious clothes or sexy lingerie/attire, they may not be comfortable being perceived as a sexual object or they may have body issues (not uncommon for LGBTQs).

Start Slowly

Let your partner know that they are the hottest thing since the sun and that you love seeing them look sexy. Buy them something you find alluring but not over the top. For example, if they are a complete jock and prefer the baggy look, don’t ask them to wear a fitted suit. Start off by suggesting they wear boot-cut jeans and a fitted tank. In other words, don’t go from 0 to 60. Get them to dress sexier in increments. If you need help, pick up a fashion magazine or an edition of Men’s/Women’s Health with the Style Guide on the flip-side cover for some ideas. Or better yet, go to a chic but low-key store and ask the salespeople for a little help; that’s what they’re there for.

Make Sure They Know They’re Hot

If you show your partner you’re stoked for them to wear the outfit you’ve selected, they may put it on just to make you happy. Once they’re sporting the new pieces, make sure to compliment them profusely, but sincerely. It’s all rather Pavlovian: Positive reinforcement equals more positive behavior. Tell them she’s sexy, gorgeous and utterly perfect. People often underestimate how much others beat themselves up over their supposed physical flaws. Even the most seemingly secure person can harbor secret insecurities. So make sure they feel totally comfortable and protected in their new duds, and ravage them when it comes time to get dirty between the sheets.

You Have To Step It Up

Of course, it’s not just all about your partner. You need to pull out your A-game too. And that’s different for every couple. For some people, it may involve seeing their partner in a three-piece suit. Others might want to see you in tight jeans and a cowboy hat. Still others may prefer T-shirts and baggy jeans on their partner. In other words, you’ll need to start dressing the way your partner finds you attractive as well. Don’t ask them; just do it on your nights out together. People are observant, so your partner will definitely notice.

Lastly, if you liked the way your partner dressed before, keep in mind that asking them to dress a little sexier is not going to be an easy feat. You have to ask yourself why you suddenly want the change. Are you bored with the relationship? Itching for something else?

If that’s not the problem and you just want your partner to wear something else, you may have to accept the fact that, after all your efforts, they aren’t going to change. But you should love them just the same.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo